My wedding without daddy

Still in cloud-9 days after my church wedding. Another dream came true all to God’s glory… It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, sky was clear, weather was fair. Even the notorious Manila traffic seemed to be cooperating and so we arrived in Basilica Menór de San Sebastián 40 minutes early. Long enough to finish praying the rosary, simultaneously I talked to the chauffeur and coordinator assistants. I convinced myself not to cry, “yep this is nothing” anyway Dadi is smiling down from heaven and I’m sure he is very happy for me. Finally this day came, after twelve years of anticipation…

I wrapped the rosary around my wrist like armor to strengthen me. 

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I thought I was equipped not to cry,

I thought wrong.

The antique steel door slowly unclosed. I was instructed to count 5 seconds before making the first step. The door flung open, and there my poor heart started beating rapidly. So fast that it felt like my heart leaped off my chest. My hands were shaking. The coordinators kept on reminding to walk slowly, I heard them faintly for my heart was much stronger ~ it desired the man standing in the altar waiting for me. 

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“love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust.

Love still stands when all else has fallen”

1 Corinthians 13:7-8

I looked way pass him, still trying to stop the welling of my eyes. Yet, it made me more emotional. To see the image of the blessed Mother Mary (Our Lady of Mt. Carmel) was the best reminder of this dream that was about to unfold. All attempts failed and I wept, using up the tissue prepared in my hidden pocket. At that moment, everything else was blurry in my sight, I didn’t mind looking terrible and drenched in tears.

Happy tears. 

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Then, I looked at the right of the altar and saw a familiar cross with the sacred image of Jesus. A similar crucifix as that of Lourdes, France. The church is such a perfect setting, everything seemed so surprisingly wonderful and surreal. 

Little trivia: The church is the only all-steel church in the Philippines, made by a French engineer – Gustave Eiffel who also made the famous landmark Eiffel Tower in Paris. 

And it hurts because a year ago my father died suddenly and unexpectedly, missing him in the most significant day in my life… I would have wanted him to be there even in wheelchair. But, the turn of events were tough, became even more difficult when my father-in law was again hospitalized and placed in ICU and my mom-in law needing to stay with him. And so both my in-laws and my Dadi were missing, it was painfully sweet and special.

Fatherless wedding. 

The wedding was almost perfect, maybe perfect, because everything was God’s gift to me and Erik. 

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I opted for a simple one and specifically asked the photo/videographer to capture raw, candid, real emotions. I skipped many traditional scenes and the reason for this is that my life has too much melancholy and sadness already. No need to be fancy and dramatic. Masking the blues with laughters, giggles and smiles. At the back of my mind, I’d wished for Dadi to be there, handsome in his Barong Tagalog. Maybe, a chance for us to bond and to be a little vocal of how we actually feel. I missed the opportunity to tell him I love him, a goodbye never said, a guilt that affects me and regret that changed my life then on. 

This post is to honor the memory of my dad, for my late brother as well. Taking opportunity to remember with love those who are no longer with us, they are in our hearts forever.

Happily ever after continues on next post…

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Thank you to these awesome people/team ♥️
P/V: Thee Creation Media http://www.theecreationsmedia.com
Wedding Coordinator: Events by Miss P https://www.facebook.com/eventsbymissp/
Preps: Holiday Inn, Makati
Ceremony: Basilica Menor de San Sebastián
Reception: Casa Roces Malacañan
BridalCar: Don Robert
Florist/Stylist: Amelia Blossoms
Gown: Jun Escario http://www.junescario.com
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C.S. Lewis quotable quotes

From the man behind Chronicles of Narnia – C. S. Lewis, a compilation of my favorite quotes.

Read and be inspired…

To love is to be vulnerable.

 

Miracles are retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see.

 

We would mind Humiliation less if we were humbler.

 

Children are not a distraction from more important work, they are the most important work.

 

It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it.

 

 

integrity is doing the right thing even when no one is watching.

 

There are far better things ahead than any we leave behind.

 

What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth, they share it.

 

 

We are what we believe we are.

 

You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream.

 

 

Courage, Dear Heart.

 

Much love,
Mitch

Self Confidence for All

Today, I felt the need to post something about – confidence or self esteem. Many of us had or have low self-esteem. It’s deeply rooted from painful childhood experiences, neglect, abuse, illness/debilitation, painful life events such as losing loved ones or a job, divorce, and the most common is discrimination.

As a daughter, grandchild, mother, sister and friend, my dream is to empower people most especially women and young ones and help them boost their self confidence. Yes it’s not easy, I know. I’ve seen enough death in my family, my granddad who was like a father to me died in a car accident when I was very young, sudden passing of my younger brother then my father. And to add discrimination and scrutiny on the side. The negative early events later on become contributors to Low Self Esteem.

I’m no expert but I’m talking based on experience. It’s never too late to believe, to stand up and it all starts with forgiveness. To let go of these thoughts, forgive yourself and always remember that there’s always another chance. New hope.
Think positive. Instead of saying, “I’m a loser” or “no one really likes me” why don’t you talk to yourself and be your first and only effective motivator and coach – “You can do this!”

Positivity leads to positive outcomes.

Smile, laugh and surround yourself with happy and positive people. You’ll feel better as go through the process. They say faking confidence can help, and that’s true. I’ve tried that many times, put your chin up, dress up, use accessories or wear makeup just to elevate self confidence.

When you look better, you will feel better. 

And it may take time and effort. But trust me, I’ve been there and it will all be worth it…

 

with much love,

mindful_mp

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Pondering through

He was on his 20’s when my younger brother passed away last February of 2016. It was so sudden that made me re-think of life and our varying purposes. Healing took awhile, getting strength from my family, from my daughter… I realized it is much difficult to write down our feelings when we are lamenting. The intensity of emotions cannot simply be put into words. Tears flow incessantly as my heart was subjected to pains of loss, confusion and sadness.

It’s the thing about writing – you either heal or hurt some more…

And so I can write again, by God’s grace, me and my family gradually began moving on.

I’m sharing these quotes about life and journey. May this be helpful to all of you, especially the ones mourning and downhearted…

To get through the hardest journey,

we need to take only one step at a time,

but we must keep on stepping..

Chinese Proverb

The life of a man is a journey;

a journey that must be traveled,

however bad the roads or accommodation.

Oliver Goldsmith

On life’s journey

faith is nourishment,

virtuous deeds are a shelter

wisdom is the light by day

and right mindfulness is the protection by night.

If a man lives a pure life,

nothing can destroy him.

Buddha

 

I’m deeply reminded that our life’s journey is a gift,

not a given. And that we can never truly know

how long the journey will last.

All we can do is decide how it unfolds.

Sonia Choquette

 

The beautiful journey of today

can only begin when we learn

to let go of yesterday…

Dr. S. Maraboli