If there’s one substantial quality to have in our relationships – with our loved ones, our family, friends, partners, colleagues, etc. – it could be loyalty. All relationships even between sellers and customers are based on our ability to be loyal.
We may have different perceptions of loyalty but there are common characteristics that indicate loyalty. It is the most valued virtue in all relationships and encompasses the following traits.
Character Traits of Loyalty
a loyal person fulfills promises
a loyal person is supportive
a loyal person stands by you and for you
a loyal person values honesty
a loyal person is empathic
a loyal person is reliable
a loyal person is committed and dedicated
We all want the warmth and security that a loyal relationship brings. We like to be with people who are more likely to be faithful to us. And it is one of the basic necessity according to Maslow’s Heirarchy of Needs – Belongingness and Love Needs.
But remember not to expect other people the exact values we possess. We are all unique and different in personality traits, character, priorities, etc. One can cheat or be faithful to someone forever.
Loyalty is a value that is necessary for a lasting and meaningful relationships.
In my previous post, we talked about manipulation and sampled the character of Jin Mu from Alchemy of Souls. Fact check, we meet a gaslighter in real life sometimes unaware of it, and so before falling to their trap let me show you ways to spot a gaslighter.
Gaslighting is a colloquialism, loosely defined as making someone question their own reality. The term derives from the title of the 1944 film – Gaslight. The term may also be used to describe a person (a “gaslighter”) who presents a false narrative to another group or person, thereby leading them to doubt their perceptions and become misled, disoriented or distressed.
Gaslighting is a favorite tool of a toxic person. It is a form of abuse and psychological control. A gaslighter will start with small lies, eventually misinformation increases overtime. Anyone can be a victim of a gaslighting and the most effective gaslighter is the hardest to detect.
Gaslighting can appear in various ways. Here are examples or techniques they use (from Medical News Today);
Countering: This is when someone questions a person’s memory or recall. They may say, “Are you sure about that? You have a bad memory,” or “I think you are just forgetful.”
Withholding: Pretending they do not understand the conversation, or refusing to listen, to make a person doubt themselves. For example, they might say, “Now you are just confusing me,” or “I do not know what you are talking about.”
Trivializing: This occurs when a person belittles or disregards how someone else feels. They may accuse them of being “too sensitive” or overreacting in response to valid and reasonable concerns.
Denial: Refusing to take responsibility for their actions. They may do this by pretending to forget what happened, saying they did not do it, or blaming their behavior on someone else.
Diverting: With this technique, a person changes the focus of a discussion by questioning the other person’s credibility. A great tactic and often use by personalities to divert the attention from them.
Stereotyping: A person may intentionally use negative stereotypes about someone’s gender, race, ethnicity, sexuality, nationality, or age to gaslight them. For example, they may say that no one will believe a woman if she reports abuse.
From the examples listed, you maybe able to detect a gaslighter. As a disclaimer, this behavior becomes toxic based on intentions. And we may accidentally use the phrases sampled above without really intending to gaslight someone. It’s all in the intention or motives of a person.
It is different from Manipulation though. Manipulation is a key part of gaslighting, it’s a common tactic. Can be used in marketing strategies, politics, institutions, etc. But gaslighter, they are very rare and much more toxic.
Gaslighting can be psychologically devastating. According to PsychologyToday, it violates trust, upends a person’s view that people are generally good, and can make them suspicious of everyone who is close to them. Falling victim to a gaslighter also erodes a person’s trust in themselves and may make a victim never want to be part of a relationship again.
There are ways to protect yourself from this form of abuse. First to simply gather evidence, write journals, take photos, etc. and use them as your proof. You may also talk to someone trustworthy and if needed, leave that toxic relationship.
We’re done watching Season 1 of Alchemy of Souls and boy what a great ending! Massive cliffhanger and intense drama, though many people died 😦 and revelations were all shocking.
Thought of posting about the character of Jin Mu – the main villain of this Kdrama. He did well in this series, I must say he is one effective villain. I’ve seen other dramas with him as the antagonist and he is really a good actor. This post is not about him as an actor but will talk about his role in Alchemy of Souls.
In Psychology, a toxic person is most likely to manifest a manipulative behavior. And it was evident all throughout the series. Jin Mu has manipulated the main characters for his own benefit. His dream has always been to be a Kingmaker or a very powerful head of Cheonbugwan. So he manipulates Naksu who lives in Mu-deok’s body using spells that shaman Choi left behind.
As per Merriam-Webster the meaning of MANIPULATIVE is of, relating to, or performed by manipulation; especially : serving or intended to control or influence others in an artful and often unfair or selfish way.
Manipulation refers to strategies and behaviors a person uses to gain power or influence over another. These tactics often include attempts to damage another person’s emotional and mental well-being. And for those following this series, Mu controlled and destroyed the lives of many characters like Jang Gang and his friend (the father of Naksu), Naksu, the queen (shaman), and list goes on.
A manipulator like Jin Mu will show the following behavior;
Withholding important information
He has used lies to control and influence other people in the story – Go Won that’s why he would be confused and troubled all the time. Fighting between his stand as a student of Mu or a kind-hearted prince. He promises to help Go Won kill Jang Uk and reveal his great secret. Won claims that Uk is now powerless and would soon be an outcast so he asks Jin Mu to confess and come clean but again with the manipulation Mu insists that Jang Uk might just be hiding his power and that everyone was deceiving Go Won (lie after lie, tsk).
Jin Mu also showed gaslighting, blaming and endless lies to other characters like Lady Jin who was already desperate to find her long lost daughter.
Manipulative behavior can also serve the following purposes;
Cause doubt and confusion
Help them avoid conflict
Conceal their true intentions
Allow them to avoid responsibility for their behavior
This destructive behavior has caused the tragic ending of season 1. And though we are aware of second season coming this December, I just can’t take my mind off the dispecable role of Jin Mu. He is the evilest among all evil as one blogger said.
In reality, we may be living with a manipulator and it only takes knowledge and understanding to spot one. They don’t need spells to try to control and influence us for their own gain. We should be wise enough to deal with them so we won’t fall victim to their main act which is manipulation.
Listening to For Youth of BTS while writing this post…
Change seems to be one of the scariest word in the dictionary. Everything changes, it’s inevitable. It’s an evolution, a transition that we all face in a lifetime.
There are reasons why people change may it be for the better or worse.
they have learned a lot
they have suffered enough
life changing event or situation
I have seen some people around me who have changed. It was sad when they revealed their true colors over time. When they meet someone new, someone more interesting than you. Asking yourself, “what happened to them?”
People change because either they chose to or they are forced to. And it may be as part of growth and evolution. You have contemplated and wanted to improve your old habits and behavior. This intentional change is more likely to last long with the intention of wanting the better version of yourself.
Life is a journey, as the saying goes. There’s so much that you can learn along the way. You’ll meet a certain person that motivates and inspires you. And there is that eye-opening event/s that will shape your mind and your life – perhaps forever…
Why Supporting Local Small Businesses is good for the community?
Local businesses are establishments in your neighborhood that humbly faced all kinds of challenges in the economy. From crisis of covid-19 pandemic to destruction and outtages after typhoon Odette. They are optimistic locals who keep in mind the welfare of the community. For them service is on personal level. Not from a corporate standpoint. Everyone is treated like a family.
Why Support local stores? Because they care for you. With the endless motto – “customer is king” their top priority is to serve the neighborhood especially in this time of crisis. For owners of micro-businesses every customer, employee and staff is important. Their interests, health, transport, stress, total well-being are kept in mind. They take measures for the concern of each individual.
In this volatile times, smaller, local businesses count on your patronage in order to stay afloat; every transaction is precious to them. They start small, with capital that came from their savings, goals and dreams are humble and decent. By supporting these small businesses, you are in turn supporting your local economy; more money stays in a community when purchases are made at locally owned. You support their dreams!
Local small businesses are owned and operated by your neighbors! They care about you and are invested in the well-being of your community and its future. They employ trust worthy people who have become a family.
So the next time you need to get some groceries, craving for snacks or do a little shopping, seek out a small business and see what they have to offer! You could discover some great products (even handmade) and services while helping to build a strong and successful community around you.
Quite late on this as everyone’s talking about season 2 coming this December. We just finished episode 3 and this series continues to mesmerize me. With beautiful faces, gorgeous ensemble, makeup, costumes, scenery and fantastic special effects.
AlchemyofSouls(Netflix) from creators the Hong Sisters, Jung-eun and Mi-ran (Hotel Del Luna, Korean Odyssey), takes us to a magical land called Daeho, where sorcerers (mages) have harnessed the power of the natural world.
Jang Uk (Lee Jae-Wook) comes from the noble Jang family. He holds an unpleasant secret about his birth. A troublemaker, switching from one master to another and happens to meet Mu-Deok (Jung So-Min) – an elite warrior and assassin, but her soul is trapped in a physically weak body. She then becomes Uk’s servant, secretly teaching him martial arts and skills.
So the plot seems pretty simple, about these two main characters – Uk and Mu-doek exhanging funny antics, determined to prove themselves in this magical world while romance is being developed.
One notable character is Seo Yul (Minhyun) who comes from Seo family. Aside from his good looks, he is also intelligent and has strong martial arts skills. I’m sensing a love triangle in the future episodes 😉
Stream this on Netflix and other sites, surely your love for fantasy will be revived as spells come left and right.
Tomorrow is a fantasy drama based on a webtoon of the same name by Llama. It follows the story of Choi Junwoong and his job as part of the Special Crisis Management Team of the underworld. Casts include Kim HeeSun as Koo Ryun, SF9’s RoWoon as Choi Junwoong, Lee Soo Hyhuk, and Yun Ji On.
Tomorrow or Naeil in Korean is a drama that said to convey warm sympathy and comfort to those living in real harsh world. True to its promise, me and my hubby (kdrama) buddy are currently glued to this series as we watch the characters and their sufferings and healing. This series has gained attention for its different approach to sensitive and dark topics like suicide.
Suicide is a serious topic and with South Korea ranking fourth in the world when it comes to suicidal rate according to WHO. In the Philippines, there’s a 57% increase in suicidal rate because of Covid-19 mainly from loss of jobs and business.
This appealed to me from a personal level and there are many lessons that we can learn from this drama (Will post separately). You help people with kindness, kindness that begins with understanding that we all struggle. We all have problems.
You would think of grim reapers as escorts of death, but no, there’s a special group dedicated to save souls or people from committing suicide. The empathic side of me is very touched, an innate desire to help people in dire need.
“What saves people is not your powers but the weight of your words”
This marks the finale of season 1 and what a beautiful way to end it by Attorney Woo discovering a new emotion – “fulfillment.”
In my Psychology class, we’re repeatedly taught to identify our feelings. It is amazing and extraordinary for Attorney Woo who has Autistic Spectrum Disorder (ASD) was able to discover and name that new feeling. Thanks to the good upbringing of her father that even in the lack of money/power, she turned out well.
This drama grew on me as I see the maturity of Young Woo despite her disability. Her conversations with her parents and peers are thought provoking even the dialogue with herself is heartwarming. No wonder I have made several posts about this Kdrama 😉
In this episode we’ll meet Tae Su-mi’s son and younger brother of Attorney Woo – Sang Hyeon, also a genius and gimbap lover. Many “good” things happened like Attorney Min-woo having a change of heart, bravery of Young Woo and her realizations, confession of Jun-ho, etc. It’s like everything falls into place as they wrap up season 1.
Allow me to share the touching words of Young Woo talking to Tae Su-mi ~
“Sang Hyeon believes you’re a good mom. Don’t betray his belief.”
“You were not a good mother to me, but at the very least, please be a good mother to Sang Hyeon.”
Young Woo began the confrontation by saying that she is like a narwhal in a pod of belugas. Being with different whales and an ocean of many experiences, she appreciates and sees this in a beautiful way. “Though unusual and peculiar” – title of this episode was manifested very well. Jun-ho got back together with Young Woo and their talk about a love for a cat is cute and funny.
After winning the case, the characters gather to eat and celebrate. They are happy, teasing each other as usual. I love this Hanbada team so much!
Attorney Woo is the character we all need in this difficult times. This drama appealed to me in many levels and if you’d agree with me the ending is life-like, it’s meant to go on (as we look forward to season 2).
All whales are happy now, this is a perfect ending for season 1 indeed
Every Wednesday/Thursday night airs 2 new episodes of this Kdrama we all adore – Extraordinary Attorney Woo. I’ve talked about this in previous posts and obviously this has become my drama of the year.
As this series is nearing its end, I can’t help but feel sad, the more after watching episodes 13 and 14. We’re all worried for attorney Jung (Kang KiYoung) as he was diagnosed with stage 3 stomach cancer. Actually, I thought he has lung disease as he spat blood prompting him to see a doctor.
This episode with their new case in a cultural heritage in Jeju, is most meaningful to Attorney Jung as he was reflecting on his life and marriage.
Episodes 13 & 14 highlighted the story of attorney Jung, plus the emotional scenes of Attorney Woo with Jun-ho. I will only spoil you a bit because these two episodes are unlike the previous ones and you wouldn’t want to miss it.
It is a challenge no doubt to love somebody with health issues or a disability. You need a great amount of understanding and patience. We see different sides of each character here in this week’s episodes…
My hubby a.k.a my Kdrama (친수) buddy and I watch this new drama back to back with Extraordinary Attorney Woo. Having a medical background as I took BS Nursing for college, this series is relatable in many levels and super hilarious.
Starring Rain as Doctor Cha (main role) and Kim Bum as Doctor Seung tak. A fantasy and comedy series that first aired last January this year. Watch it on Viu, Netflix, Rakuten and other streaming sites.