motivational – Page 2

why do people change

Posted on October 1, 2022November 6, 2022 by M Artisans

Listening to For Youth of BTS while writing this post…

Change seems to be one of the scariest word in the dictionary. Everything changes, it’s inevitable. It’s an evolution, a transition that we all face in a lifetime.

There are reasons why people change may it be for the better or worse.

they have learned a lot
they have suffered enough
life changing event or situation

I have seen some people around me who have changed. It was sad when they revealed their true colors over time. When they meet someone new, someone more interesting than you. Asking yourself, “what happened to them?”

People change because either they chose to or they are forced to. And it may be as part of growth and evolution. You have contemplated and wanted to improve your old habits and behavior. This intentional change is more likely to last long with the intention of wanting the better version of yourself.

Life is a journey, as the saying goes. There’s so much that you can learn along the way. You’ll meet a certain person that motivates and inspires you. And there is that eye-opening event/s that will shape your mind and your life – perhaps forever…

❤

motivational

Signs of high EQ

Posted on August 13, 2022September 21, 2022 by M Artisans

As part of my note taking in Emotional and Social Intelligence ESI (UC Davis) – a course I’m currently taking online. Here are the signs of a person, employee or co-worker with high EQ (emotional quotient) or EI (emotional intelligence).

But first we define Emotional Intelligence or EQ as the capacity to be aware of control and express your emotions as well as navigate interpersonal relationships with both good judgement and empathy.

EQ/EI affects every aspect in your life and has been proven to be in the top 10 most important workplace skills needed for success according to World Economic Forum (2020).

More bullet points to remember;

EQ is not as a soft skill
people with high EQ make more and perform better
high EQ is synonymous to high satisfaction

life, motivational

Life 101: How to not to be toxic

Posted on July 22, 2022July 23, 2022 by M Artisans

Studying Psychology shows you a myriad of complicated terms, endless name of disorders, personality types, etc. But let’s be practical here, everywhere you go there’s always a “toxic” person. They’re impossible to avoid, can give you negative feelings and worse affect your mental health.

But do you know that Toxic behavior is something that can manifest in us all?

We all have bad days but it is important to be aware of our actions and how they affect the people around us. “Self-awareness” – according to my professor and the author of best selling book Permission to feel – Marc Brackett, is the start of becoming an Emotional Scientist.

First, let us learn how to identify a toxic individual.

Toxic people in your life

Being toxic is never fun to be around, you drive people away and usually encounter conflicts and misunderstandings. Keep in mind that these behaviors don’t happen overnight, it is developed through the years and has underlying causes or triggers like childhood trauma. They are actually unconscious and developed over time as their defense mechanism. Not an excuse though, that’s why we begin by realizing if our behavior is already hurting other people.

Ways not to be toxic.

1. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones

it all starts with your mind, your thoughts drive and guide how you behave.
In my psychology course by Yale Center of Emotional Intelligence, we are provided with “thought strategies”.
Professor Marc Brackett said that our brain is hay wired to think negatively right away, it is our automatic way of thinking. This is not good for the body as it activates our limbic system.
Thinking positively takes time and lot of effort.

2. Be actively Grateful

When we practice gratitude, our feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction increase, and the feeling of burn-out decreases.
Toxic people are unhappy because they tend to look at the past and for them everything in their life is not good enough.
Take a few minutes everyday to be actively grateful. This could be anything from your pet, sunshine or good weather, family, or the roof above your head.
If you really want not to be toxic, know that acknowledging the good things in your life lets you focus on them and everything else seems brighter and happier.

3. Think before you react

build the habit of pausing before reacting.
toxic people are highly reactive, they tend to lash out on people around them.
this is the best time to practice being a better listener, so instead of reacting try to listen first.
being an active listener shows that you care.

4. Let your ego go

a toxic person is desperate to maintain a certain image to the point of attacking others, or being defensive and becoming a habitual liar.
they believe they’re entitled and people are beneath them.
accept that nobody’s perfect and that you’re not always correct.
kindness is free and without your ego this is easy.

5. Show accountability

this is related to ego, apologizing is like admitting defeat to a toxic person.
admitting you’ve made a mistake and taking responsibility makes it feel you’ve failed.
if you’re not able to be accountable for your own wrongdoing — if you dig in, and have to maintain your image — this is a big potential problem. For one, it’s a sign of narcissism.
it will be a struggle to maintain a real relationship to someone who can never ever accept fault. It makes other people uncomfortable, denies their emotions or needs, and leaves them feeling wronged too.

6. Avoid gossip

here comes “marites” or the gossiper
it becomes highly toxic when the objective of the story is to destroy other people and talk about their misfortunes.
don’t be too quick to judge others and then spread rumor about them.
try to know people first, listen, be kind and considerate.

7. Build others up, not test them

we all want to be with someone who celebrates with us. They are happy when you’ve achieved something instead of belittling.
this is related to gossiping, if we try to pinpoint the mistakes of other people.
real strength is when you uplift and motivate others instead of pulling them down.

8. Seek help

if you’re unsure about your own behaviour in certain aspects of life, that’s completely fine. It’ll probably best to act on it right away.
whether it’s consulting friends, family, a professional (like a therapist), there are ways to learn more about ourselves and help us improve these areas in our life.
toxic behavior doesn’t happen accidentally. It’s likely caused by something in your mind like unresolved issues and past trauma.
connecting with others is also a way of healing. Strong social ties are linked with happiness, longevity and health.

Reaching this point means you care about yourself as a person and open to growth and maturity. Don’t worry, being toxic is not forever, it’s not permanent.

“when you let go of who you are, you become who you might be.”
– RUMI

❤

motivational

Life after Odette

Posted on May 19, 2022June 2, 2022 by M Artisans

December 16, 2021 was a day we will never forget.

One of the strongest typhoon hit Cebu province and nearby islands. Philippines is no stranger to typhoons, there are about 40 storms passing every year. And Odette has been the most destructive event since 2013 with Yolanda (typhoon Haiyan).

Odette was internationally known as Super typhoon Rai. It brought violent winds that destroy buildings and infrastructures, knocked down posts and uprooted trees. I personally witnessed the strong winds rampaging our compound and we could hear the howling, roof flying and tiles being thrown around.

In my calendar, I marked that day, it was Thursday. We were supposed to close the store in the usual hour – 10pm. But due to the scary weather forecast, we are forced to close by 3pm. I remember clearly that the wind started to become stronger around 5-6pm. The peak was around 7-8pm and electricity was out by 9pm.

I have not seen such catastrophe and it’s like we were brought down to our knees to beg God for mercy. Thankfully, there was minimal damage in our property. But problems persist due to electricity outage. We lived through 6-7 weeks of no light. Water was also scarce, there was long queue in gasoline and water refilling stations everywhere. As if a doomsday scenario, and no this is not an exaggeration.

We witnessed first hand the wrath of Odette and it changed our perspective in life. Due to lack of water, we cherished every drop and bathed using one pail each. Signal was very bad and I wasn’t able to contact my family in Manila for the first 3 days. We lived one day at a time, everything was a challenge including cooking. That prompted me to try intermittent fasting. The inconveniences were too much, many people lost their houses and worst their loved ones.

Still grateful for the people who checked on us and some even offered to send help, I remember them all. My recollection especially during struggles and emotional incidents is at its height. Wishing to repay them someday. Kindness really is contagious.

Months after, and nightmare is almost forgotten but the lessons I’ve learned and the experiences are etched in my memory. I thank the Lord for all of these and for thriving with only our faith as lifeline.

❤

motivational

Toxic people in your life

Posted on April 26, 2022June 2, 2022 by M Artisans

Just as environment has its toxins and so is humanity.

In the Philippines, Mental health has a negative connotation so I’ll be using emotional and mental health interchangeably.

“People inspire you, or they drain you
— pick them wisely.”
Hans F. Hansen

What is a Toxic Person?

Toxicity is not considered an illness but there could be underlying causes or trauma behind their toxicity. But how will you know if they are toxic? A toxic person is anyone whose behavior gives negativity and upset to your life. They consistently cause you a negative response and you feel uncomfortable around them.

Before I give you the types, here are toxic behaviors you watch out for;

Negativity
Cruelty
Gossip
Victim Syndrome
Drama
Craziness
Constant lying
Being Manipulative
Enjoy Others Suffering
Never Taking Ownership (non-admission of faults)
Refusing to Apologize
Being Judgmental
Unreliable
Inconsiderate

Just to be clear, we are all imperfect in one way or another. The difference with toxic people is that they “always” manifest the behaviors mentioned above and has destroyed relationships and brought conflicts.

Toxic people defy logic
Forbes.com

I’m studying Psychology because I’d like to know how to deal with different kinds of people. As an entrepreneur, I face a myriad of people everyday. Not to pat myself at the back, but I know I’m a good-hearted person so I need to protect myself and set boundaries. I believe that truly toxic ones are not worth my time and I feel like a portion of my life is deducted or shortened as I deal with them.

Believe it or not, there are 10 types of toxic people. Yes! that many. Maintain your peace and emotional health by being aware of their kind.

10 Types of Toxic People

The Gossiper – we have a term here in the Philippines – “Marites” not sure how they derived that name but gossiper a.k.a. Marites is on the top of the list. What’s sad is they derive pleasure from talking about other people and they seem to celebrate with others’ misfortunes.
The Temperamental – they seem to have anger management issues. It’s also difficult to deal with them as they don’t know how to handle their own emotions and can become explosive.
The Victim – they see themselves as victims. Some may shower you with (superfluous) gifts, sort of bribery then they will open up to you. And you empathize with them, kind-hearted ones can easily fall for this trap.
The Self-Absorbed – inconsiderate and a total narcissist. Fact check – they’re only using you for their benefit.
The Envious – self explanatory and I’ve met many. Perfect to pair with “Marites” as they try to bring down one’s reputation.
The Manipulator – they are a pro in manipulating those around them to get what they want. Another overlapping sign is when they excessively give you gifts and make you ask the question – “for what?”
The Seductive, Overly-Dramatic Person – quoted this from Psychology Today. They’re fun to be with, often the life of the party. They are charming, seductive, physically attractive and do things to attract attention. They focus a great deal of time on outward appearance but really insecure deep inside.
The Narcissistic-Aggressive Person – another from Psychology Today. Coming from the word – narcissism, these individuals are abusive, verbally or physically. They are selfish and aggressive, tend to be adventurous and risk-takers.
The Judgemental – have you heard of the saying – “don’t rain on my parade” The judgemental are quick to tell you what’s wrong about your decision. They only see your faults and look down on others. Nothing is ever good enough for them.
The Arrogant – arrogance is false-confidence and always masks insecurities.

Everything begins with awareness.

If you know someone who is toxic and there’s no way to avoid them, don’t fret. You may not be able to physically avoid them but you can set boundaries. First identify them and maintain a safe “emotional” distance. Expect the behavior/s mentioned above so you’ll be well prepared to “rationally” face them. You are now equipped but don’t ever try to engage or mix into the chaos. Call them out if they do something wrong to you.

Always choose peace. Respond and don’t react, I know it’s easier said than done but I’m just being optimistic here. For normal people like you and me, there’s hope and peace.

❤

faith, motivational

Must read bible verses when you’re faced with criticisms

Posted on December 30, 2021February 28, 2022 by M Artisans

I’ve faced criticisms my entire life. Prior to taking Psychology, I’m already curious about dealing with people – particularly “difficult” people.

But beyond and above scientific knowledge and strategies is the grace and word of God.

Let me share this with you, this has helped me a lot…

Caring for what others think of you stops us from doing God’s will. You’ll be distracted, occupied and worst be frozen in fear.

I want to also remind you that there are mean people in this world. (a.k.a. haters) Don’t allow people to hurt you with negative words toward you. Their words are irrelevant. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. God thinks good thoughts about you so think good thoughts about yourself as well.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14 NIV

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

Do not judge or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2 NIV

It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe. Proverbs 29:25

The Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”
1 Samuel 16:7

faith, motivational

Motivational Quotes You Need

Posted on May 9, 2021May 15, 2021 by M Artisans

When your day is overwhelming, troubled, exhausting and nearly lost for words…

Here are some inspiring, motivating quotes to lift your spirits up.

A diamond is a chunk of coal that did well under pressure.

You can’t change the past nor predict the future. So it’s better to focus on today.

You always pass failure on your way to success.

🙂

faith, motivational, prayer, prayers

Why bad things happen to good people

Posted on August 8, 2019August 8, 2019 by M Artisans

I finished reading a book – “When Bad things happen to Good People.”(1)

In our lifetime, we experience betrayal even by the ones closest to us. After trusting them, believing them… In the end, their masks fall off & leave. Other “good people” experience physically pain, suffering with incurable afflictions.

It begs the question – Why bad things happen to good people?

One of my favorite author – C.S. Lewis said, “God uses pain to get our attention.”

“We can ignore even pleasure. But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains..” (2)

And so we suppose, if God really uses pain to speak to us, in order for us to grow. Are there painless means?

Not long ago, when I asked in my prayer. Sulking in tears, “Lord please don’t be far from me.”

I asked God why things go wrong for good people, like they’re being tested the more. Why is it that after hurting us, they can continue to live a good life, why they can get away with their evil ways…

In agony I look at them, as they continue to deceive more unsuspecting preys with their ill intentions and greed.

These people fool us with scheming ways. Faces in misleading masks, gifting us with their exaggerated generosity that’s actually a strategy to lure our innocence.

I opened my bible app and here’s what He said;

1 Lord, you have seen what is in my heart. You know all about me.
2 You know when I sit down and when I get up. You know what I’m thinking even though you are far away.
3 You know when I go out to work and when I come back home. You know exactly how I live.
4 Lord, even before I speak a word, you know all about it.
5 You are all around me. You are behind me and in front of me. You hold me in your power.6 I’m amazed at how well you know me.
Psalm 139 🙏

I think this sums up everything.

God answered, this verse was His reply. He knows and sees right through us. Relieved, I know that God will never be misled. He hears the righteous and forsaken.

I believe in Him.

Bad things happen, but God is working for the good of those who love Him.

Romans 8:28

Let us not be bitter in wondering why good people are being examined and tested in endless ordeals.

God sees everything. And He knows each one of us.

(1) When Bad Things Happen to Good People: Harold S. Kushner
(2) Problem with Pain: C.S. Lewis
Bible NIV

family, love, motivational

My wedding without daddy

Posted on April 27, 2018May 2, 2018 by M Artisans

Still in cloud-9 days after my church wedding. Another dream came true all to God’s glory… It was a sunny Saturday afternoon, sky was clear, weather was fair. Even the notorious Manila traffic seemed to be cooperating and so we arrived in Basilica Menór de San Sebastián 40 minutes early. Long enough to finish praying the rosary, simultaneously I talked to the chauffeur and coordinator assistants. I convinced myself not to cry, “yep this is nothing” anyway Dadi is smiling down from heaven and I’m sure he is very happy for me. Finally this day came, after twelve years of anticipation…

I wrapped the rosary around my wrist like armor to strengthen me.

I thought I was equipped not to cry,

I thought wrong.

The antique steel door slowly unclosed. I was instructed to count 5 seconds before making the first step. The door flung open, and there my poor heart started beating rapidly. So fast that it felt like my heart leaped off my chest. My hands were shaking. The coordinators kept on reminding to walk slowly, I heard them faintly for my heart was much stronger ~ it desired the man standing in the altar waiting for me.

“love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust.

Love still stands when all else has fallen”

1 Corinthians 13:7-8

I looked way pass him, still trying to stop the welling of my eyes. Yet, it made me more emotional. To see the image of the blessed Mother Mary (Our Lady of Mt. Carmel) was the best reminder of this dream that was about to unfold. All attempts failed and I wept, using up the tissue prepared in my hidden pocket. At that moment, everything else was blurry in my sight, I didn’t mind looking terrible and drenched in tears.

Happy tears.

Then, I looked at the right of the altar and saw a familiar cross with the sacred image of Jesus. A similar crucifix as that of Lourdes, France. The church is such a perfect setting, everything seemed so surprisingly wonderful and surreal.

Little trivia: The church is the only all-steel church in the Philippines, made by a French engineer – Gustave Eiffel who also made the famous landmark Eiffel Tower in Paris.