Posted in life, psychology

What it means to be considerate?

Coming across vlogs “showing off” their lifestyle rendered some deep thoughts and reflections. There’s a Filipino term called – “malasakit“. Uniquely Filipino because there’s no exact English translation. It is a Filipino value of caring and acting on the needs of others.

Be Considerate

Being considerate is synonymous to kindness. It can come in different forms and sizes. When you think of others before yourself, considering their feelings, concerns or priorities before your own. Begins with sympathy and thoughful rumination.

Being nice is a broader term – like civility. Being considerate entails a real and active interest on other people. There’s more effort than just being nice or civil.


There are 7 habits of Considerate People.

1. They practice empathy

Empathy is described as sensing what people are feeling

– Goldman Madel

It is different from sympathy, as empathy involves shared perspective or emotion. Considerate people not only feel for (with) others but actively see the world beyond themselves. Treating people with respect and compassion.


2. They smile often

Pexels.com

There’s a saying that kindness begins with a smile. Smiling evokes a positive emotion and reaction. In Positive Psychology, people are encouraged to smile more. You feel good and affect others, too.


3. They are intuitive of other people’s needs

From my Emotional Social Intelligence (ESI) class, there’s Cognitive Empathy. It is the ability to understand what another person might be thinking or feeling. When you walk in another person’s shoes and make them feel they are valued – that’s consideration.

Pexels.com

4. They mind their manners

Being polite doesn’t begin and end with saying please and thank you. It is way more than that. The golden rule – treat others the way you want to be treated.


5. Be emotionally intelligent

Emotional and Social Intelligence – is the ability to be aware of your own emotions and those of others in the moment, and use that information to manage yourself and your relationships (ESI UC Davis).

ESI is not a soft skill and is now in the Top 10 most important workplace skill needed for success (World Eco Forum 2020). It is twice as important as technical and cognitive skills combined.


6. They are patient

Patience is difficult to have these days especially when attention span is shortened to a few seconds. Being patient comes with kindness, as you “consider” other person’s situation or reason.

Pexels.com

7. They apologize (when needed)

One of the traits of a toxic individual is – non admission to mistakes. Apologizing when you’ve made a mistake instead of passing the blame is crucial when being considerate.

Pexels.com

Posted in life

How Great Thou Art (lyrics)

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder,
Consider all the worlds Thy Hands have made;
I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,
Thy power throughout the universe displayed.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

And when I think, that God, His Son not sparing; 
Sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in; 
That on a Cross, my burdens gladly bearing, 
He bled and died to take away my sin.

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation,
And take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.
Then I shall bow, in humble adoration,
And then proclaim: “My God, how great Thou art!”

Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art.
Then sings my soul, My Saviour God, to Thee,
How great Thou art, How great Thou art!

🙌🙌🙌

Posted in life, psychology

What are the benefits of having Good friends

Do you know that there are benefits of having good friends?

Having supportive people around you, includes family, partners, colleagues. These good friends can have a major impact in your life, health and overall well-being according to Mayo clinic.

Benefits of Friendship

  • Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
  • Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
  • Improve your self confidence and self worth
  • Help you cope traumas such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or death of a loved one
  • Encourage you to have healthy lifestyle or habit
  • Promote personal development

Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent isolation and loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too.

Mayo clinic

People with strong social connections have reduced risk of many health problems. Studies found that older adults who have good friends and social support are likely to live longer.

Among all the benefits of having meaningful relationships, Emotional support is significant. They listen to your problems, can validate your feelings, and can help distract you when you’re sad or upset.

In one of the lessons I had, Professor Jonah Berger of Wharton University said, ” people are 36% more likely to quit smoking if a friend quits.”

Your friends can support your choices and even promote the right ones. They can cheer you on, motivate you like gym buddies or yoga partners.


Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

Sense of belongingness comes in third on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Caring about others makes life more meaningful. Your self worth increases, knowing you have a support system can help you feel more secure in your own life.

On the other hand, unhealthy or toxic friendships can cause stress and bring you down. Choose your companions and avoid toxic people; gossiper, unkind or rude, manipulative, selfish, etc.

Pexels.com

Bottom line, good friends are important in your life. Strong friendships will continue to strengthen you, make you healthier and help you have a brighter outlook.

Posted in life

Small Businesses Vs. Corporations

It’s not easy running a small business, I know this from experience. A Small Business owner myself, this post aims to motivate and inspire dreamers. Standing proud for thriving through the hurdles of Covid-19 pandemic and super typhoon Odette.

There are numerous challenges to overcome even before you can open the store. Application of permits, approval and paperworks that felt like forever.


Pexels.com

Yes, it is almost impossible to compete against massive corporations. With current economic situations and opening of tourism slightly favoring big companies. They have the resources, manpower, budget, warehouse, etc.



Though it seems like we don’t stand a chance, there are also advantages of small businesses according to Forbes.com

  • Custom Approach

Small businesses can offer a more personalized and customized service. That something large companies cannot do. It would be a waste of time (for them) to cater to individuals instead of dealing with consumers as a whole.

Being one of the pioneers in cake customization business, I remember famous bakeshops used to offer basic birthday cakes, clients are asked to choose from cake designs that are – basic and generic.

  • Flexibility and Less Bureaucracy

Big companies have complex internal structures, they follow a heirarchy. Approval and response processes can take a lot of time in a large organization. While small businesses can be flexible in dealing with customers. Adding a personal touch to everything, treating each other as family.

  • Creativity

Just like with flexibility, they have an edge in creativity. Having decision-making in their hands, creativity can flourish. There’s more ‘relaxed’ room to design, create and improve. No added pressure from meeting monthly quotas, etc.

  • Level of Care

Small businesses provide an individual level of care and involvement. For them service is on a personal level. Not from a corporate standpoint. Everyone is treated like a family. They have the ability to provide a one-on-one, personalized experience that clients value the most.




  • Adaptability

Business is all about people and small businesses have the advantage of knowing each and every client really well. The ability to be flexible and adapt to day-to-day needs of customers, invention of new products and services, and so on.

  • Passion with Purpose

Small businesses are well appreciated in social media like Instagram. They are trailblazers, supporting and igniting people using their passion with a purpose. There’s no shortage of passion as they continue to stay motivated by fueling their shops with personal connections to customers.

  • Speed and Agility

Aprroval and decision-making processes are faster in a small business. When a client needs help right a way, they can respond in small but special ways when big corporations are too busy.

  • One-on-One Magic

That advantage to connect one-on-one with customers is what small businesses have. I ventured into franchising from a famous convenience store chain and noticed the complex nature of their structure. An ordeal when trying to sort out things with them, I didn’t feel we were connected and that our intentions are for the business alone.

Learning from experience and seeing through it all, small businesses can maximize these advantages competing against astronomical companies. Having the right and loyal people communicating to clients gives your store a personal touch.

Posted in faith, life, motivational, prayer

How to be content with your life

For those who’ve been following me in IG, one chronic side effect of my treatment or symptom management is depression. It can also be brought by illness itself, either way am 😦

We’ve all had this feeling before – sadness, dark cloud above your head, low days, lonelines… I cannot describe this state in the most positive way possible, an overall feeling of doom, zero inspiration and motivation.

Truth is no one could completely grasp one’s feelings and emotional well being with depression. Help starts with you. It takes massive effort yes, but it’s worth the try…

Please remember that – your current state is not forever, this (too) shall pass.

How to be content with your life?

  1. Change your perspective – the easiest way to be content with your life is adjusting your perspective. Instead of being stuck with the past or obsessing over the future, focus on Living in the Present.
  2. Be Grateful for what you have – though our life may be miserable today but try thinking of the things you have and how lucky you are compare to other people. This also includes – to stop comparing yourself with others. As the old saying goes – “the grass is greener on the other side” – the things we don’t have seem better than the things we have. This is the biggest obstacle in achieving happiness. Because there will always be someone who is happier, healthier, richer than you. But why look? If it’s only going to make you more miserable and unhappy.
  3. Appreciate the little things – Every detail in your life counts. We may take for granted this little things because we are too focused on the negative. Daily reflection, write a journal, a walk outside for some fresh air. Making a habit of reflecting will help you think rationally when a problem arises and will keep you from being blind-sided by problems that are lurking in your life.

One thing that really helps me is – FAITH. I can’t imagine myself being in the center of all these without Jesus. To be able to believe in something greater than us is the most effective coping mechanism for people who are suffering.

Yes it’s okay not to feel okay, if you need to cry then do it…

David Spiegel, MD, the medical director of the Center for Integrative Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine, reminds us that “Happiness is not the absence of sadness.”

Let me share these beautiful songs… Allow Jesus to be with you, to cry with you and feel with you…


Happy are the people who are sad now,

God will come near to help them.

Matthew 5:4 Easy


I will be still and

know You are God.


Posted in life

Endometriosis 2022 update

More than a decade ago, I was first diagnosed with endometriosis and then adenomyosis. Two similar medical terms, both are giving pain and suffering to millions of women worldwide.


Endometriosis is often equated with period pain but it is much more than period pain. It’s a chronic condition and many lack awareness and resources to help them with this disease.



A term was coined – “endowarrior”. Many organizations are built to raise awareness and spread word about endometriosis. And help fellow sufferers in their journey.

There’s power in weakness / pain – a life motto that I cling to. A decade long of this indescribable pain and suffering. Resounding symptoms of pain, stomach upset, bloatedness, body weakness and recently low mood. My last ultrasound revealed progressive adenomyosis and adenomyoma, reoccuring hydrosalpinx and ovarian cysts.


An endometriosis journey can be described as trailing down a long dark road without any maps, tools, or light to help guide the way. A journey without being understood or heard. At least, that has been my experience.

– Marisol Velez


Proud of our endo-community in Instagram, endowarriors give each other support and advices. After 10 years of TTC (trying to conceive) and enormous amount of pain, I’ve decided to just have everything removed. Yes, one tough decision that endowarriors go through… 😦

Posted in psychology

Narcissistic, my God i luv it!

Ive’s Narcissus concept in “Love Dive” became an instant hit since its debut comeback. They even won multiple awards with this song (congrats Ive). Not only it is catchy but the dance choreo (my favorite) is addictive. There’s a particular move – “mirror princess” where members look into a “mirror”. A symbolic of Narcissistic adage.

Love Dive – Ive

What is Narcissistic?

– by Merriam-Webster definition, relating to or characterized by narcissism; extremely exaggerated sense of self-importance, marked by or characteristic of excessive admiration of or infatuation with oneself.

Narcissism comes from the story of Narcissus. In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter known for his beauty. He fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water, staring at it until he drowned. At that spot, a flower bloomed which is now called as the narcissus plant or the daffodil.



A tragic story like many mythologies I’ve read, has a lesson worth noting. Pride and self-obsession for Greeks are obstructions to piety and religion. Proving the cruel fate of Narcissus.


Daffodil photo by cottonbro studio on Pexels.com

Narcissistic personality disorder NPD is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others. But behind this mask of extreme confidence, they are not sure of their self-worth and are easily upset by the slightest criticism.

Mayo Clinic

A narcissist can have many problems in different areas of life. They are disappointed when they’re not given the attention they believe they deserve. And symptoms are as follows;

  • Have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration.
  • Feel that they deserve privileges and special treatment.
  • Expect to be recognized as superior even without achievements.
  • Make achievements and talents seem bigger than they are.
  • Be preoccupied with fantasies about success, power, brilliance, beauty or the perfect mate.
  • Believe they are superior to others and can only spend time with or be understood by equally special people.
  • Be critical of and look down on people they feel are not important.
  • Expect special favors and expect other people to do what they want without questioning them.
  • Take advantage of others to get what they want.
  • Have an inability or unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others.
  • Be envious of others and believe others envy them.
  • Behave in an arrogant way, brag a lot and come across as conceited.
  • Insist on having the best of everything.

The hallmarks of NPD are grandiosity, lack of empathy for other people, and the need for admiration. They are described as self-centered, manipulative and demanding. They also have trouble handling criticism. To them, criticisms are just personal attacks.

These people think there’s nothing wrong with them. They are resistant to changing their behavior even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to pass the blame to others.

Narcissists believe they are better than everyone else and often exagerrate their own achievements and talents. They live in a fantasy world that supports their delusions of grandeur. They have a sense of entitlement and consider themselves as special.

For their overly inflated ego that needs to be constantly fed so they surround themselves with people who are willing to cater to them. This kind of relationship is usually one-sided. Since they lack empathy, they often take advantage of others to get what they want.

There are more topics (and medical terms) related to NPD, however I’d like to emphasize the problem with them – they are not even aware of their own behavior. Thinking – what could be wrong really? Yes, it is sad especially when you know someone who is one! but stay calm – real and lasting relationships are based on mutual respect and love.

Since narcissists are not capable of reciprocating your love and affection, it’s all about them as the center of the universe. It is best to set healthy boundaries and don’t take things personally. It’s not about you, it’s them.

And lastly, don’t argue with a narcissist.

It’s pointless.

Ending with this reminder – spend time and make memories with people who are worth your precious time (and life).

Posted in psychology

The influence of people around you

Yes people come and go in our life and they also influence us in one way or another. My constant prayer as a parent is for my child to meet friends who will be of “good” influence to her. I grew up in a traditional manner, raised by strict grandmother and parents, choosing good friends is important.

A motto that marked indelibly in my heart is this saying;

Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are.


– anonymous

There are many versions of this quote but they all mean the same thing. In Social Psychology, this influence is being recognized and scientifically proven. Your closest associates (sometimes called – reference group) can determine much of your success in life. Our friends influence us subtly yet powerfully, and that can either be good or bad.


Research shows we do not have as much control over our thoughts and behavior as we think. We take cues from our environment, especially other people, on how to act.

– Psychology Today

Another powerful quote by Jim Rohn – “You are the average of the 5 people you hang around with.” The first quotation stayed with me since highschool. And recently, studying Psychology out of interest helps me gain more insight in relationships and human behavior.

You can’t choose your family, but you have the power to decide who to be close with. You also have the power to avoid certain people – toxic ones, for they will definitely shape who you are.

From my notes in Managing Emotions (Social Emotional Learning SEL) by Yale University – Humans are social creatures, we are influencing each other’s feelings whether we realize it or not.


Surrounding yourself with good people is not a strategy, it is a necessity. Having family and friends who motivate and help you become better (or best) version of yourself is a blessing.

Posted in psychology

Brainwashing in Toxic Relationships

Brainwashing is defined in the Psychology Dictionary as that which “manipulates and modifies a person’s emotions, attitudes, and beliefs.” It reduces a person’s ability to mentally defend themselves and makes it easier for another person to control them.

Brainwashing (also known as mind control, menticide, coercive persuasion, thought control, thought reform, and forced re-education) is the concept that the human mind can be altered or controlled by certain psychological techniques.

– Wikipedia

History

The term brainwashing was first coined in the 1950s when journalist Edward Hunter in his article in Miami Daily News entitled – “Brain-washing Tactics Force Chinese Into Ranks of Communist Party.” He described how Mao’s Red Army used ancient techniques to manipulate the masses. He called this hypnotic process – brainwashing, the process to change the mind drastically (Smithsonian Magazine).

It is a theory that a person’s core beliefs, ideas, affiliations and values can be replaced, so much so that they have no autonomy over themselves and cannot think critically or independently.

In 1956, Albert Biderman studied how prisoner of war camp personnel got U.S. prisoners of the Korean War to give them tactical information, collaborate with propaganda, and agree with false confessions. Biderman stated that inflicting physical pain was not necessary to “induce compliance,” but psychological manipulations were extremely effective for that purpose. His report included what has come to be known as “Biderman’s Chart of Coercion.”


In Biderman’s chart, he summarized the tactics in brainwashing;

  • Isolation
  • Monopolization of perception (fixes attention on immediate predicament; eliminates “undesirable” stimuli)
  • Induced debilitation; exhaustion
  • Threats
  • Occasional indulgences (provides motivation for compliance; hinders adjustment to deprivation)
  • Demonstrating superiority
  • Degradation
  • Enforcing trivial demands

Not all eight elements need to be present in order for brainwashing to occur. Each element can have some power to distort reality, interfere with perception, reduce a person’s self-confidence, and gain compliance.

How are you brainwashed?

Based on the mechanisms from Biderman’s chart, you can somehow notice that this person is trying to control you. But first, this person who will try to brainwash you will want to know everything about you in order to manipulate your beliefs. Everything – find out what your strengths are, your weaknesses, who you trust, who is important to you and who you listen to for advice.

They will begin with isolation, it may come in a form of not allowing an access for family or friends. The brainwasher must have a complete control of the target.

In the process, brainwasher will attack the victim’s self esteem, making them vulnerable and easier to control. This can be done through physical or verbal abuse, threats, etc.


you are not who you think you are.

– how stuff works

The abuser denies everything that makes the target who he is: “You are not a soldier.” “You are not a man.” “You are not defending freedom.” The target is under constant attack for days, weeks or months, to the point that he becomes exhausted, confused and disoriented. In this state, his beliefs seem less solid (exhaustion).

Most psychologists believe that brainwashing is possible in the right conditions and settings. Plan must be systematic and relentless making it tiresome for the victim.

While the identity crisis is setting in, the brainwasher is simultaneously creating an overwhelming sense of guilt in the target. He/she repeatedly and mercilessly attacks the subject for any “sin” the target has committed, large or small. The victim now feels a general sense of shame that everything he/she does is wrong.

The ultimate goal of brainwashing is Blind Obedience. The victim follows orders without question. This is usually achieved by positively rewarding the person when they please the brainwasher and negatively punishing them when they do not (indulgences and punishment).

Brainwashing is real.

Yes, it is not just in fictional books and movies. Brainwashing is real!

However, this mind/psychological control should not be feared, and target/prospect having knowledge makes any tactic less effective. Here are some ways that you can do to avoid being brainwashed;

  • Don’t believe everything that you read
  • Don’t buy into fear or scare tactics
  • Watch for someone’s hidden agenda
  • Look out for less obvious messages, try to listen for both sides of the story
  • Follow your own path
  • Do your own research
  • Listen to your own intuition
  • Don’t follow the crowd
  • Don’t be afraid to be different

hugs,

Posted in life

Dysthymia

During our Psychology Class at Yale University, I first encountered the term Dysthymia.

Under Mood Disorder – Dysthymia or Persistent Depressive Disorder PDD (dis-THIE-me-uh), is a continuous long-term (chronic) form of depression.

In the book I’m currently reading – I want to Die but I Want to Eat Tteobokki, this term was mentioned and I hurried to my notes to review.

Endometriosis contributes severely to my condition. Depression affects women twice as often as men regardless of having endometriosis or not.


The association between endometriosis and psychological disorders has been reported in several previous studies, with depression and anxiety being the most common conditions. The incidence of such symptoms is higher in women with endometriosis than in any other gynecological condition.

– EndometriosisNews.com


According to John Hopkins Medicine – Depression is a mood disorder that involves your body, mood, and thoughts. It affects how you eat and sleep, think about things, and feel about yourself. It’s not the same as being unhappy or in a “blue” mood. It’s not a sign of weakness or something that can be willed or wished away. People with depression can’t “snap out of it” and get better.


People experience depression in different ways.

Symptoms may include:

  • Lasting sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
  • Less ability to concentrate, think, and/or make decisions
  • Less energy
  • Fatigue
  • Feeling hopeless
  • Weight and/or appetite changes due to over- or under-eating
  • Changes in sleep patterns, such as fitful sleep, inability to sleep, early morning awakening, or sleeping too much
  • Low self-esteem

To diagnose Dysthymia, a person must have a depressed mood for atleast 2 years (since it is persistent and long term). Or one year for children and adolescents, along with at least 2 of the above symptoms. The symptoms of this illness may look like other mental health conditions. Talk with a healthcare provider for a diagnosis.

*Disclaimer: This post does not intend to replace, dictate or fully define diagnosis and treatment by a qualified physician. It is intended only for informative purposes.